-*-
21
回到家里，我没有时间，也不想再考虑这个问题。彼得罗打电话给我，他向我宣布，下个星期他会来拜访我父母。我接受了这个现实，就像接受一场无法避免的灾难。我急忙帮他找了一家宾馆，我打扫屋子，做了家人的思想工作，让他们不要焦虑，但这都无济于事，我的处境越来越糟糕了。在我们的城区，关于我的书、我个人、我经常独自旅行的事实的闲言碎语越来越多了。我母亲捍卫了我，她炫耀说，我快要结婚了，但为了避免我不在教堂结婚的决定让情况更加复杂，她说我不在那不勒斯结婚，要去热内亚结婚，结果是那些闲话更多了，这让她非常恼怒。
At home I didn’t have, or didn’t want to
have, time to go back to the subject. Pietro telephoned, he said that he was
coming to meet my parents the following week. I accepted it as an inevitable
misfortune, I struggled to find a hotel, clean the house, lessen my family’s
anxiety. That last task was in vain, the situation had grown worse. In the
neighborhood the malicious gossip had increased: about my book, about me,
about my constant traveling alone. My mother had put up a defense by boasting
that I was about to get married, but, to keep my decisions against God from
complicating things further, she pretended that I was getting married not in
Naples but in Genoa. As a result the gossip increased, which exasperated her.
有一天晚上，她对我非常粗暴，她说人们看了我的书，都觉得书里的内容很丢人，都在背后说闲话。我的几个弟弟也对我嚷嚷，说他们不得不和屠夫的儿子大打出手，因为他说我是个婊子，不仅如此，他们还不得不去揍了一顿埃莉莎的同学，因为那个男生让埃莉莎做她姐姐做的那些事。
One night she confronted me harshly,
saying that people were reading my book, were outraged, and talking behind
her back. My brothers—she cried—had had to beat up the butcher’s sons, who
had called me a whore, and not only that: they had punched in the face a
classmate of Elisa’s who had asked her to do nasty things like her older
sister.
“你写的什么啊？”我母亲对我嘶叫着。
“What did you write?” she yelled.
“没什么，妈！”
“Nothing, Ma.”
“你是不是写了你出去做的那些恶心事儿？”
“Did you write the disgusting things that
you go around doing?”
“什么龌龊事儿，你自己去看吧。”
“What disgusting things. Read it.”
“我不想在你写的那些破事上浪费时间。”
“I can’t waste time with your nonsense.”
“那就放过我吧。”
“Then leave me alone.”
“假如你父亲知道人们议论你的话，他会把你赶出家门的。”
“If your father finds out what people are
saying about you, he’ll throw you out of the house.”
“没有必要，我自己会走的。”
“He won’t have to, I’ll go myself.”
到了晚上，我从家里出去，在外面散心，就是为了不对我母亲说那些将来会让我后悔的话。在路上，在公园里，沿着大路，我感觉人们的目光都盯着我，这是一个我正要离开的世界对我的愤恨。后来我遇到了吉耀拉，她刚下班回来。我们住在同一栋楼里，我们一起走了回去。我担心她迟早会说出惹恼我的话，她平时的性格不是蛮横就是阴险。但让我惊异的是，她有些羞怯地对我说：
It was evening, and I went for a walk so
as not to reproach her with things I would later regret. On the street, in
the gardens, along the stradone, I had the impression that people stared at
me insistently, spiteful shadows of a world I no longer inhabited. I ran into
Gigliola, who was returning from work. We lived in the same building, we
walked together, but I was afraid that sooner or later she would find a way
of saying something irritating. Instead, to my surprise, she spoke timidly,
she who was always aggressive if not malicious:
“我看了你写的书，很棒！你能写出那些东西，简直太勇敢了。”
“I read your book, it’s wonderful, how
brave you were to write those things.”
我有些发懵。
I stiffened.
“什么东西？”
“What things?”
“就是你在沙滩上做的事情。”
“The things you do on the beach.”
“那不是我做的，是书中的人物做的。”
“I don’t do them, the character does.”
“是的，但你写得太好了，莱农，就像真的发生了一样，一样肮脏！这是身为女人才知道的秘密。”这时候，她拉住了我的一只胳膊，我不得不停了下来。她小声说：“你告诉莉娜，假如你见到她，你跟她说，她做得对，我支持她。她把她丈夫、妈妈、爸爸、哥哥、马尔切洛、米凯莱还有其他狗屎都甩开了，她做得好。我也应该从这里逃走，但我不像你们俩那么聪明，我生来就蠢，什么也做不了。”
“Yes, but you wrote them really well,
Lenù, just the way it happens, with the same filthiness. They are secrets
that you know only if you’re a woman.” Then she took me by the arm, made me
stop, said softly, “Tell Lina, if you see her, that she was right, I admit it
to her. She was right not to give a shit about her husband, her mamma, her
father, her brother, Marcello, Michele, all that shit. I should have escaped
from here, too, following the example of you two, who are intelligent. But I
was born stupid and I can’t do anything about it.”
我们没说其他重要的事情，我在我住的那层停了下来，她回了她家，但她说的那句话一直在我脑海里盘桓。让我震撼的是她把我的出人头地和莉拉的落魄放在一起来谈论，对她来说，这都一样让人振奋。还有一些话深深刻在我脑海里：我书里描述的龌龊事让她感同身受，这对我来说是个新鲜事儿，我没法做出评价。后来彼得罗来了，我就把这事儿给忘了。
We said nothing else important, she
stopped on her landing, I went to my house. But those comments stayed with
me. It struck me that she had arbitrarily put together Lila’s fall and my
rise, as if, compared with her situation, they had the same degree of
positivity. But what was most clearly impressed in my mind was how she had
recognized in the filthiness of my story her own experience of filthiness. It
was a new fact, I didn’t know how to evaluate it. Especially since Pietro
arrived and for a while I forgot about it.
-*-
22
我去火车站接他，我陪他走到佛罗伦萨街，那儿有一家宾馆，是我父亲推荐的，我在那里预订了一个房间。彼得罗看起来要比我家人更紧张。他从火车上下来，拉着一个大行李，和往常一样不修边幅，因为天气很热，他的脸红通通的，而且充满倦意。他想给我妈妈买一束花，他买了一束足够大、比较昂贵的花——这和他平时的习惯不一样，但他很满意。我们到了宾馆，他让我一个人拿着花待在大堂里，他保证说他马上回来。过了半个小时，他出现了，穿着一套蓝色的西装，白色的衬衣，天蓝色的领带，皮鞋擦得锃亮。我一下子就笑了起来。他问我：“我看起来不好吗？”我让他放心，他的衣着很棒。但在路上，我能感觉到周围那些男性的目光，还有他们嘲弄的哄笑，就好像我是一个人走着，也许他们是想暗示和强调：这个陪着我的人不值得尊重。彼得罗抱着一大束鲜花，他不肯让我拿着，他的每个细节都是那么体面，但并不适合我的城市。尽管他空着的一只手臂搭在我的肩膀上，但我感觉，我应该保护他。
I went to meet him at the station, and
took him to Via Firenze, where there was a hotel that my father had
recommended and which I had finally decided on. Pietro seemed even more
anxious than my family. He got off the train, as unkempt as usual, his tired
face red in the heat, dragging a large suitcase. He wanted to buy a bouquet
for my mother, and contrary to his habits he was satisfied only when it
seemed to him big enough, expensive enough. At the hotel he left me in the
lobby with the flowers, swearing that he would return immediately, and
reappeared half an hour later in a blue suit, white shirt, blue tie, and
polished shoes. I burst out laughing, he asked: I don’t look good? I
reassured him, he looked very good. But on the street I felt men’s gazes,
their mocking laughter, maybe even more insistent than if I had been alone,
as if to emphasize that my escort did not deserve respect. Pietro, with that
big bunch of flowers that he wouldn’t let me carry, so respectable in every
detail, was not suited to my city. Although he put his free arm around my
shoulders, I had the impression that it was I who had to protect him.
是埃莉莎给我们开的门，然后我父亲出来了，之后是我的弟弟们，每个人都穿着过节的衣服，所有人都太客气了。我母亲是最后出现的，洗手间拉水箱的声音之后，就听到她一瘸一拐地走了过来。她做了头发，还给嘴唇和脸颊上擦了点颜色，我想，她以前曾经是一个漂亮的姑娘。她很得体地接过那束花，我们一起坐在餐厅里，为了招待客人，他们把晚上搭起来、早上再拆掉的那些床也藏了起来。每样东西都很干净，桌子上的餐具也摆得非常用心。我母亲和埃莉莎一起准备了好几天，才做好了这顿饭，这让整个晚餐没完没了。彼得罗让我很震惊，因为他一下子变得很开朗。他问我父亲在市政府的工作，我父亲的意大利语说得磕磕巴巴，于是彼得罗就让我父亲说方言。我父亲跟他讲了市政府一些员工的趣事，我的未婚夫虽然听得不是很明白，但他表现出非常欣赏那些事儿。尤其是，我从来都没见过他吃那么多东西，每次一盘菜上来，他都会恭维我母亲和妹妹，但就我所知，他自己连一个鸡蛋都不会煮，他还询问每道菜的做法，就好像他很快就会动手做一样。他尤其喜欢的一道菜是土豆糕，吃完我母亲给他盘子里又加了一份，分量很足，她还用那种她特有的、毫无情感的语气说，在他走之前会再做一次土豆糕。在很短的时间内，气氛变得很和谐，就连佩佩和詹尼也抛开拘谨，和他成为朋友。
Elisa opened the door, then my father
arrived, then my brothers, all in their best clothes, all too cordial. My
mother appeared last, the sound of her crooked gait could be heard right
after that of the toilet flushing. She had set her hair, she had put a little
color on her lips and cheeks, and thought, She was once a pretty girl. She
accepted the flowers with condescension, and we sat in the dining room, which
for the occasion held no trace of the beds we made at night and unmade in the
morning. Everything was tidy, the table had been set with care. My mother and
Elisa had cooked for days, which made the dinner interminable. Pietro,
amazing me, became very expansive. He questioned my father about his work at
the city hall and encouraged him to the point where he forgot his labored
Italian and began to tell in dialect witty stories about his fellow
employees, which my fiancé, although he understood little, appeared to
appreciate tremendously. Above all he ate as I had never seen him eat, and
not only complimented my mother and sister on every course but asked—he, who
was unable even to cook an egg—about the ingredients of every dish as if he
intended to get to the stove right away. He showed such a liking for the
potato gattò that my mother served him a second very generous portion and
promised him, even if in her usual reluctant tone, that she would make it
again before he left. In a short time the atmosphere became friendly. Even
Peppe and Gianni stayed at the table, instead of running out to join their
friends.
无论如何，那顿饭还是吃完了。彼得罗变得很严肃，他向我父亲提亲了。他在说这件事情时，声音很激动，这让我妹妹的眼睛变得亮晶晶的，我两个弟弟觉得很有趣。我父亲很尴尬，支支吾吾地说了一些好话，说彼得罗是一个那么出色、严肃的教授，这个请求让他很荣幸。这个夜晚看起来要完美收场，这时候我母亲说话了。她阴着脸说：
After dinner we came to the point. Pietro
turned serious and asked my father for my hand. He used just that expression,
in a voice full of emotion, which brought tears to my sister’s eyes and
amused my brothers. My father was embarrassed, he mumbled expressions of
friendship for a professor so clever and serious who was honoring him with
that question. And the evening finally seemed to be reaching its conclusion,
when my mother interrupted. She said darkly:
“你们不在教堂结婚，这一点我们不同意。没有神父的婚礼不是婚礼。”
“Here we don’t approve of your not
getting married in church: a marriage without a priest isn’t a marriage.”
大家都陷入了沉默。我的父母应该暗地里已经说好了，由我母亲来提出这件事，但我父亲还是忍不住对彼得罗做了一个笑脸，意思是，他虽然也属于妻子提到的“我们”中的一员，但他愿意做出让步。彼得罗也对着我父亲笑了一下，但这次，他的谈话对象不是我父亲，他只对着我母亲说话。我已经跟他说了我家里的态度，他已经做好了准备。他说的话很简单，充满深情，但思想明确。他说他明白，但也希望大家理解他。他说他尊敬那些真诚信奉上帝的人，但他感觉自己不属于那类人。他说，作为一个不信奉上帝的人，并不意味着他什么也不信，他确信他对我的爱是绝对忠诚的。他说，是这份爱，而不是祭台、神父或者市政府的官员，使我们的婚姻变得坚固。他说，拒绝在教堂里结婚，对他来说是个原则问题。假如他是一个没有原则的男人，我就不会爱他，或者爱他要少一些。他最后说，当然，我母亲也不愿意把自己的女儿交到一个随时可以违背自己生活的基本原则的人。
Silence. My parents must have come to a
secret agreement that my mother would take on the job of making this
announcement. But my father couldn’t resist, and immediately gave Pietro a
half smile to indicate that, although he was included in that we invoked by
his wife, he was ready to see reason. Pietro returned the smile, but this
time he didn’t consider him a valid interlocutor, he addressed himself only
to my mother. I had told him of my family’s hostility, and he was prepared.
He began with a simple, affectionate, and, according to his usual habit, very
clear speech. He said that he understood, but that he wished to be, in turn,
understood. He said that he had the greatest respect for all those who
sincerely believed in a god, but that he did not feel he could do so. He said
that not being a believer didn’t mean believing in nothing, he had his
convictions and absolute faith in his love for me. He said it was love that
would consolidate our marriage, not an altar, a priest, a city official. He
said that the rejection of a religious service was for him a matter of
principle and that surely I would stop loving him, or certainly I would love
him less, if he proved to be a man without principles. He said finally that
surely my mother herself would refuse to entrust her daughter to a person
ready to knock down even a single one of the pillars on which he had based
his existence.
听这番话时，我父亲一直在点头，我的弟弟们惊讶得张大了嘴巴，埃莉莎又一次很感动，但我母亲无动于衷。她用手把玩了一下自己的婚戒，然后看着彼得罗的脸，她没有继续讨论刚才的话题，也没有说自己同意，她带着一种冷冰冰的决心，开始说起了我的好话。她说，我从小都是一个与众不同的孩子，说我能做到整个城区的女孩都无法做到的事情。我是她的骄傲，也是整个家庭的骄傲，我从来都没让她失望。她说我有获得幸福的权利，如果有人让我痛苦的话，那就会让她痛苦一千倍。
At those words my father made broad nods
of assent, my brothers were openmouthed, Elisa was moved again. But my mother
remained impassive. For some moments she fiddled with her wedding ring, then
she looked Pietro in the eye and instead of going back to the subject to say
that she was persuaded, or to continue to argue, she began to sing my praises
with cold determination. Ever since I was small I had been an unusual child.
I had been capable of doing things that no girl of the neighborhood had been
capable of doing. I had been and was her pride, the pride of the whole
family. I had never disappointed her. I had won the right to be happy and if
someone made me suffer she would make him suffer a thousand times more.
我很尴尬地听着这些，整个过程中，我都想搞清楚，她是在说真的呢，还是像通常一样夸大其词。她的目的是向彼得罗说明一点：她根本就不在乎他的职位，也不在乎他扯的那些，不是格雷科家人有求于他，而是他有求于格雷科家。我没能搞清楚她的态度，我的未婚夫却完全相信她的话，在我母亲说话时，他在一个劲儿地点头称是。她终于说完了，彼得罗才开始说，他说，他很清楚我有多可贵，他很感激我母亲把我培养成现在的样子。最后，他把一只手伸进上衣口袋里，从里面拿出了一个蓝色的盒子，很羞怯地递给了我。这是什么？我想，他已经给了我一枚戒指了，还要再给一枚吗？我打开了盒子，真是一枚戒指，非常漂亮，是红金的，上面镶着一块紫水晶，旁边是小碎钻。彼得罗低声说：“这是我外婆的戒指，如果我能娶到你的话，我们家里都会很高兴。”
I listened in embarrassment. All the
while I tried to understand if she was speaking seriously or if, as usual,
she was intending to explain to Pietro that she didn’t give a damn about the
fact that he was a professor and all his talk, it wasn’t he who was doing the
Grecos a favor but the Grecos who were doing him one. I couldn’t tell. My
fiancé instead believed her absolutely and as my mother spoke he simply
assented. When at last she was silent, he said that he knew very well how
precious I was and that he was grateful to her for having brought me up as I
was. Then he stuck a hand in a pocket of his jacket and took out a blue case
that he gave me with a timid gesture. What is it, I thought, he’s already
given me a ring, is he giving me another? Meanwhile I opened the case. There
was a very beautiful ring, of red gold, and in the setting an amethyst
surrounded by diamonds. Pietro murmured: it was my grandmother’s, my mother’s
mother, and in my family we would all like you to have it.
这个礼物意味着那场仪式结束了。大家又开始喝酒，我父亲又说起了他个人生活和工作的一些趣事，詹尼问彼得罗他是哪个球队的球迷，佩佩要和他扳手劲。我帮助我妹妹收拾桌子。在厨房里，我马上就犯了一个错误，我问我母亲：
That gift was the signal that the ritual
was over. We began to drink again, my father went back to telling funny
stories of his private and work life, Gianni asked Pietro what team he rooted
for, Peppe challenged him to arm wrestling. I helped my sister clear the
table. In the kitchen I made the mistake of asking my mother:
“怎么样？”
“How is he?”
“戒指吗？”
“The ring?”
“彼得罗。”
“Pietro.”
“人很丑，腿也不直。”
“He’s ugly, he has crooked feet.”
“爸爸也没比他好到哪里去。”
“Papa was no better.”
“你有什么资格说你父亲？”
“What do you have to say against your
father?”
“没有。”
“Nothing.”
“那你闭嘴，你就知道在我们面前趾高气扬。”
“Then be quiet, you only know how to be
bossy with us.”
“不是这样。”
“It’s not true.”
“不是吗？为什么你要听他的？假如他有自己的原则，难道你就没有你的原则吗？让他尊重你的原则啊。”
“No? Then why do you let him order you?
If he has principles, you don’t have them? Make yourself respected.”
这时候埃莉莎插了一句：
Elisa intervened:
“妈妈，彼得罗是一个绅士，你不知道一个真正的绅士是什么样的。”
“Ma, Pietro is a gentleman and you don’t know what a real gentleman is.”
“你知道？你要小心一点儿！你还小，不要插嘴，小心我扇你。你看到了他的头发了吗？一个绅士的头发是这样的吗？”
“And you do? Be careful, you’re small and
if you don’t stay in your place I’ll hit you. Did you see that hair? A
gentleman has hair like that?”
“绅士的外表是没有标准的，妈，一个人是不是绅士，能感觉得到的。”
“A gentleman doesn’t have normal
handsomeness, Ma, a gentleman you can tell, he’s a type.”
我母亲假装要打她，我妹妹笑着把我拉出了厨房，她很愉快地说：
My mother pretended she was going to hit
her and my sister, laughing, pulled me out of the kitchen, saying cheerfully:
“你真幸运，莱农！彼得罗真细致，他多爱你啊！他把他外婆的戒指送给你了，让我看看吧。”
“Lucky you, Lenù. How refined Pietro is,
how he loves you. He gave you his grandmother’s antique ring, will you show
it to me?”
我们回到了餐厅。家里的所有男性都在和我的未婚夫扳手劲，他们想要在力气上胜过这位教授。他丝毫不畏缩，脱了外套，把衬衣袖子挽了起来，坐在桌前。他和佩佩掰手腕输了，也输了詹尼，和我父亲比也输了。让我惊异的是他投入比赛的激情，他满脸通红，额头上青筋暴露。他说对手公然不遵守比赛规则，尤其是，他非常固执地和佩佩还有詹尼比力气，根本不考虑我的两个弟弟经常举铁，我父亲一只手可以拧开螺丝。扳手劲的整个过程，他一点儿也不让步，我担心他的手臂会断掉。
We returned to the dining room. All the
males of the house now wanted to arm-wrestle with my fiancé, they were eager
to show that they were superior to the professor at least in tests of
strength. He didn’t back off. He removed his jacket, rolled up his sleeve,
sat down at the table. He lost to Peppe, he lost to Gianni, he lost also to
my father. But I was impressed by how seriously he competed. He turned red, a
vein swelled on his forehead, he argued that his opponents were shamelessly
violating the rules of the contest. He held out stubbornly against Peppe and
Gianni, who lifted weights, and against my father, who was capable of
unscrewing a screw with just his bare hand. All the while, I was afraid that,
in order not to give in, he would break his arm.
-*-
23
彼得罗在那不勒斯待了三天，我的父亲和弟弟妹妹很快都对他产生了好感。尤其是我的两个弟弟，他们都很高兴，因为彼得罗一点架子也没有，尽管他们在学校里学习不好，但是彼得罗还是很看得起他们。我的母亲还是很客气，一直比较冷淡地对待他，只有在最后一天，她的态度才有一点儿缓和。那是一个星期天，我父亲说，他想给女婿展示一下那不勒斯有多美，他女婿也愿意，并建议我们一起在外面吃饭。
Pietro stayed for three days. My father
and brothers quickly became attached to him. My brothers were pleased that he
didn’t give himself airs and was interested in them even though school had
judged them incompetent. My mother on the other hand continued to treat him
in an unfriendly manner and not until the day before he left did she soften.
It was a Sunday, and my father said he wanted to show his son-*-law how
beautiful Naples was. His son-*-law agreed, and proposed that we should eat
out.
“在餐馆吃饭？”我母亲皱着眉头问。
“In a restaurant?” my mother asked,
scowling.
“是的，太太，我们要庆祝一下。”
“Yes, ma’am, we ought to celebrate.”
“还是我做饭吧，我们都说了，要再做一次土豆糕。”
“Better if I cook, we said we’d make you
another gattò.”
“不了，谢谢，您已经太辛苦了。”
“No, thank you, you’ve already done too
much.”
当我们准备出去时，我母亲把我拉到一边，问：
While we were getting ready my mother
drew me aside and asked:
“他付钱啊？”
“Will he pay?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“你确信？”
“Sure?”
“很确信，妈，是他说要请我们的。”
“Sure, Ma, he’s the one who invited us.”
我们一大早就去了市中心，穿得像过节一样。发生了一件让我感到震惊的事。我父亲承担起了做导游的职责，他给客人展示了安焦城堡、皇宫、国王的雕像、奥沃城堡，还有海滨路。彼得罗非常专注地听我父亲讲解，他是第一次来那不勒斯，但过了一会儿，他就很谨慎地讲起来了，讲了些我们都不知道的事情。感觉真好，我从来都没有对我童年和少年生活过的地方表现出什么特别的兴趣，让我惊异的是，彼得罗却知道那么多事情，而且说得头头是道。他表现出他很了解那不勒斯的历史、文学、传说、童话故事，还有很多奇闻轶事，以及那些有名的，或者因为忽视而被隐藏的建筑。我想着，他对这个城市的了解，一方面是因为他是一个无所不知的男人，另一个方面也有可能，他之所以用那种学究的方式深入研究了那不勒斯，是因为这是我的城市，因为我的声音、动作和所有一切都受到了这个城市的影响。当然，我父亲觉得自己被取代了，我的两个弟弟觉得很无聊。我意识到了这一点，就示意彼得罗不要讲了。他脸红了，马上就闭嘴了。但我的母亲还是像往常那样让人琢磨不透，她拉着彼得罗的一只胳膊，对他说：
We went into the city center early in the
morning, dressed in our best clothes. And something happened that first of
all amazed me. My father had taken on the task of tour guide. He showed our
guest the Maschio Angioino, the royal palace, the statues of the kings,
Castel dell’Ovo, Via Caracciolo, and the sea. Pietro listened attentively.
But at a certain point he, who was coming to our city for the first time,
began modestly to tell us about it, to make us discover our city. It was
wonderful. I had never had a particular interest in the background of my
childhood and adolescence, I marveled that Pietro could talk about it with
such learned admiration. He showed that he knew the history of Naples, the
literature, fables, legends, anecdotes, the visible monuments and those
hidden by neglect. I imagined that he knew about the city in part because he
was a man who knew everything, and in part because he had studied it
thoroughly, with his usual rigor, because it was mine, because my voice, my
gestures, my whole body had been subjected to its influence. Naturally my
father soon felt deposed, my brothers were annoyed. I realized it, I hinted
to Pietro to stop. He blushed, and immediately fell silent. But my mother,
with one of her unpredictable twists, hung on his arm and said:
“接着讲啊，我喜欢听，从来没有人跟我讲过这些事情。”
“Go on, I like it, no one ever told me
those things.”
我们在桑塔露琪亚的一条街上吃饭，按照我父亲的说法，这家餐馆是那不勒斯最好的（他从来都没有来过，他是听人说的）。
We went to eat in a restaurant in Santa
Lucia that according to my father (he had never been there but had heard
about it) was very good.
“我想吃什么就点什么吗？”埃莉莎在我耳边轻轻说。
“Can I order what I want?” Elisa
whispered in my ear.
“是的。”
“Yes.”
气氛很融洽，时间过得飞快。我母亲喝得有点儿多，说了几句不得体的话，我父亲、弟弟都和彼得罗开起了玩笑。我一直都关注着我未来的丈夫，我确信我很爱他，他是一个知道自己身份的人，但是假如有必要的话，他会很自然地忘记这些。我第一次注意到他倾听的能力，还有他谅解的语气，就好像他是一个听人忏悔的神父，虽然他是一个无神论者。我很喜欢这些，也许，我应该说服他多待一天。我可以带着他去见莉拉，告诉她：“我要嫁给这个男人，我要为了他离开那不勒斯，你怎么看，我做得对吗？”我心里琢磨着这件事情，我发现在距离我们不远的一张桌子上，有五六个学生在吃披萨，我不知道为什么，他们一直看着我们这边笑。我马上明白，他们觉得彼得罗浓密的眉毛，还有他头上的一撮头发很可笑。在短短几分钟里，我的两个弟弟就同时站了起来，走到那些学生面前，和他们一阵吵闹。场面乱七八糟，他们开始嚷嚷，拉拉扯扯，我母亲也骂了几句，支持自己的儿子，我父亲和彼得罗赶紧过去把他们拉开。彼得罗好像觉得很有趣，貌似根本都没有发现这场争吵的原因。我们走在路上，他用开玩笑的语气说：“这是你们这里的风俗啊，你们会忽然起身，和旁边桌子上的人打架？”最后，他和我的两个弟弟更加亲密了。但后来一有机会，我父亲就把佩佩和詹尼拉到一边，说他们在教授的面前丢脸了。我听见佩佩小声嘟囔着解释：“妈的！他们在取笑彼得罗，爸爸，我们该怎么做？”我很高兴，他们说的是彼得罗，而不是教授，这就是说，彼得罗已经被当成了家庭的一员了，一个家里人，一个非常棒的朋友，虽然他外表看起来不太正常，但任何人都不能当面取笑他。但这个插曲让我觉得，我最好不要把彼得罗带到莉拉那里：我了解她，她很坏，她会觉得彼得罗很可笑，她也会像餐馆的那些男孩子一样取笑他。
The time flew by pleasantly. My mother
drank too much and made some crude remarks, my father and my brothers started
joking again with each other and with Pietro. I didn’t take my eyes off my
future husband; I was sure that I loved him, he was a person who knew his
value and yet, if necessary, he could forget himself with naturalness. I
noticed for the first time his propensity to listen and his sympathetic tone
of voice, like that of a lay confessor, and they pleased me. Maybe I should
persuade him to stay another day and take him to see Lila, tell her: I’m
marrying this man, I’m about to leave Naples with him, what do you say, am I
doing well? And I was considering that possibility when at a nearby table
five or six students began to look at us insistently and laugh. I immediately
realized that they found Pietro funny-*-looking, no one could make fun of him
in his presence. But the incident convinced me that it was better not to take
Pietro to see Lila: I knew her, she was mean, she would find him ridiculous
and would make fun of him like the young men in the restaurant.
那天晚上，在外面走了一天之后，大家都筋疲力尽，我们吃了点东西，然后就又出去了，我们陪我的未婚夫走到宾馆楼下。分开时，我母亲兴高采烈地在彼得罗脸颊上亲了两下，一边一个，非常响亮。在我们回城区的路上，大家说了彼得罗很多好话，但我母亲一路上都在想自己的心事，一声不吭。只有在进房间睡觉之前，她才充满敌意地跟我说：
In the evening, exhausted by the day
outside, we ate at home and then we all went out again, taking my future
husband to the hotel. As we parted, my mother, in high spirits, unexpectedly
kissed him noisily on each cheek. But when we returned to the neighborhood,
saying a lot of nice things about Pietro, she kept to herself, without saying
a word. Before she went to her room she said to me bitterly:
“你太走运了，你配不上那个可怜的小伙子。”
“You are too fortunate—you don’t deserve
that poor boy.”
-*-
24
整个夏天，我的那本书都卖得很好，我到意大利各处去做宣传。现在，我学会了用一种旁观者的语气来捍卫它，有时候会让那些最有侵略性的听众很震惊。我时不时会想起吉耀拉跟我说的话，我把她的话和我的话混合在一起，试图让那些读者心服口服。
The book sold well all summer, and I
continued to talk about it here and there around the country. I was careful
now to defend it with a tone of detachment, at times chilling the more
inquisitive audiences. Every so often I remembered Gigliola’s words and I
mixed them with my own, trying to give them a place.
九月初的时候，彼得罗移居到了佛罗伦萨，住在距离火车站不远的一家小宾馆里。他开始找房子。他找到了一套出租的小房子，在卡尔米内圣母区那里，我马上就跑去看。那套房子有两个房间，光线不好，而且保养状况很糟糕，厨房很小，厕所没有窗子。以前，我在莉拉的新房子里学习时，她经常让我躺在她干净的大浴盆里，洗着温暖的泡泡浴，而佛罗伦萨这套房子的浴盆则残破不堪，而且有些发黄，是那种需要坐着洗澡的浴盆。但我忍住了我的不悦，我说这房子可以。彼得罗要开始上课了，他要工作，不能再浪费时间。无论如何，相对于我父母的房子，这简直就是王宫。
In early September, Pietro moved to
Florence, to a hotel near the station, and started looking for an apartment.
He found a small place to rent in the neighborhood of Santa Maria del
Carmine, and I went right away to see it. It was an apartment with two dingy
rooms, in terrible condition. The kitchen was tiny, the bathroom had no
window. When in the past I had gone to Lila’s brand-new apartment to study,
she would often let me stretch out in her spotless tub, enjoying the warm
water and the dense bubbles. The bathtub in that apartment in Florence was
cracked and yellowish, the type you had to sit upright in. But I smothered my
unhappiness, I said it was all right: Pietro’s course was starting, he had to
work, he couldn’t waste time. And, besides, it was a palace compared to my
parents’ house.
但是，就在彼得罗要签租房合同时，阿黛尔露面了，她不像我那么羞怯。她说那个房子简直太糟糕了，对于两个大部分时间都关在家里工作的人来说，太不合适了。于是，她做了本该由他儿子做的一件事。她拿起电话，动员她在佛罗伦萨的熟人——都是一些有权有势的人，帮着找房子，也不顾彼得罗的反对。没过多久，她就在圣尼古拉区找到了一套房子，有五个明亮的房间，一个大厨房，一个体面的洗手间，因为一个熟人的照顾，房租非常便宜。但她还不满意，她还自己掏钱，让这个地方变得更好，她帮助我装修了房子。她列了一个单子，提出建议，引导我，但我马上就察觉到，她不信任我的顺从，也不相信我的品味。假如我说是，她就想搞清楚我是不是真的同意；假如我说不，她就会一直问我，直到我改变主意。通常，我总是听她的；另一方面，我很少提出自己的观点，总是很顺从地跟在她后面，这并不是较劲，相反，我努力地向她学习，我受她的影响，包括说话的节奏、动作、发型、衣服、鞋子、别针、项链，总是很漂亮的耳环。她很喜欢我这种乖学生的态度，她说服我剪了短发。她让我去买了一些和她的衣服风格类似的服装，那是一家非常昂贵的店铺，但那时候在打折。她送给我一双她很喜欢的鞋子，她说她也很想买一双，但已经过了那个年纪，她甚至带我去看她认识的牙医。
However, just as Pietro was getting ready
to sign the lease, Adele arrived. She didn’t have my timidity. She judged the
apartment a hovel, completely unsuited to two people who were to spend a
large part of their time at home working. So she did what her son hadn’t done
and what she, on the other hand, could do. She picked up the telephone and,
paying no attention to Pietro’s show of opposition, marshaled some Florentine
friends, all influential people. In a short time she had found in San
Niccolò, for a laughable rent, because it was a favor, five light-filled
rooms, with a large kitchen and an adequate bathroom. She wasn’t satisfied
with that: she made some improvements at her own expense, she helped me
furnish it. She listed possibilities, gave advice, guided me. But I often
noted that she didn’t trust either my submissiveness or my taste. If I said
yes, she wanted to make sure I really agreed, if I said no she pressed me
until I changed my mind. In general we always did as she said. On the other hand,
I seldom opposed her; I had no trouble going along with her, and in fact made
an effort to learn. I was mesmerized by the rhythm of her sentences, by her
gestures, by her hair style, by her clothes, her shoes, her pins, her
necklaces, her always beautiful earrings. And she liked my attitude of an
attentive student. She persuaded me to cut my hair short, she urged me to buy
clothes of her taste in an expensive shop that offered her big discounts, she
gave me a pair of shoes that she liked and would have bought for herself but
didn’t consider suitable for her age, and she even took me to a friend who
was a dentist.
阿黛尔觉得那套房子还需要整修，同时彼得罗总是很忙，我们的婚礼就从秋季推到了春天，这使得我母亲借机就问我要钱。我尽量避免和她产生矛盾，我向她表示，我没有忘记自己的娘家和出身。电话装好了之后，我让人粉刷了厨房和走廊，还在餐厅墙上贴上了酒红色的墙纸，我给埃莉莎买了一件大衣，我分期付款买了一台电视机。后来，我也给自己送了一个礼物——我注册了驾驶学校，很容易就通过了考试，我拿到了驾照。但我母亲很不以为然，她说：
Meanwhile, because of the apartment that,
in Adele’s opinion, constantly needed some new attention, because of Pietro,
who was overwhelmed by work, the wedding was put off from autumn to spring,
something that allowed my mother to prolong her war to get money from me. I
tried to avoid serious conflicts by demonstrating that I hadn’t forgotten my
family. With the arrival of the telephone, I had the hall and kitchen
repainted, I had new wine-colored flowered wallpaper put in the dining room,
I bought a coat for Elisa, I got a television on the installment plan. And at
a certain point I also gave myself something: I enrolled in a driving school,
passed the exam easily, got my license. But my mother darkened:
“你喜欢浪费钱？你没有汽车，要驾照做什么？”
“You like throwing away money? What’s the
use of a license if you don’t have a car?”
“车下一步再说。”
“We’ll see later.”
“你想买汽车，嗯？你到底存了多少钱？”
“You want to buy a car? How much do you
really have saved up?”
“那不关你的事儿。”
“None of your business.”
彼得罗有汽车，我结婚后可以开他的车子。当他开车到那不勒斯，带着他父母来认识我的父母时，他让我开着他的车在新旧城区都转了一下。我坐在方向盘前，经过大路、小学、图书馆，我一路向前开，开到了莉拉结婚时住的房子，最后我开了回去，把车停在小花园那里。这次开车的体验，是那次会面我记住的唯一有趣的事。那个下午的其余时间都非常糟糕，我们吃了一顿无比漫长的晚餐。我和彼得罗都想尽一切办法，拉近两个家庭的距离，让他们自在一些。他们来自那么不同的两个世界，中间冷场的时间很长。当艾罗塔夫妇离开时，他们打包了很多剩菜，都是我母亲点的。我忽然间觉得我错了，我来自这个家庭，彼得罗来自另一个家庭，每个人都受自己祖先的影响。我们的婚姻会怎么样呢？等待我的是什么样的生活？我们会求同存异、战胜问题吗？我还能不能再写一本小说？什么时候写？关于什么？彼得罗会不会支持我？阿黛尔呢？马丽娅罗莎呢？
Pietro had a car, and once we were
married I intended to use it. When he returned to Naples, in the car, in
fact, to bring his parents to meet mine, he let me drive a little, around the
old neighborhood and the new one. I drove on the stradone, passing the
elementary school, the library, I drove on the streets where Lila had lived
when she was married, I turned back and skirted the gardens. That experience
of driving is the only good thing I can remember. Otherwise it was a terrible
afternoon, followed by an endless dinner. Pietro and I struggled to make our
families less uncomfortable, but they were so many worlds apart that the
silences were extremely long. When the Airotas left, loaded with an enormous
quantity of leftovers pressed on them by my mother, it suddenly seemed to me
that I was wrong about everything. I came from that family, Pietro from that
other, each of us carried our ancestors in our body. How would our marriage
go? What awaited me? Would the affinities prevail over the differences? Would
I be capable of writing another book? When? About what? And would Pietro
support me? And Adele? And Mariarosa?
有一天晚上，我脑子里想着这些事情时，听见有人在外面叫我。我跑到窗前，我马上听出那是帕斯卡莱·佩卢索的声音。我发现他不是一个人来的，他是和恩佐一起来的。我马上变得很警觉。这个时候，恩佐不应该在圣约翰·特杜奇奥吗？和莉拉还有詹纳罗一起在家里？
One evening, with thoughts like that in
my head, I heard someone call me from the street. I rushed to the window—I
had immediately recognized the voice of Pasquale Peluso. I saw that he wasn’t
alone, he was with Enzo. I was alarmed. At that hour shouldn’t Enzo be in San
Giovanni a Teduccio, at home, with Lila and Gennaro?
“你能下来一下吗？”帕斯卡莱对我喊道。
“Can you come down?” Pasquale shouted.
“发生了什么事儿？”
“What’s happening?”
“莉娜病了，她想见你。”
“Lina doesn’t feel well and wants to see
you.”
我马上来！我说，我一下子冲下了楼梯，尽管我母亲在我身后大喊：“都这个时候了，你去哪儿？回来！”
I’m coming, I said, and ran down the
stairs although my mother was shouting after me: Where are you going at this
hour, come back here.
-*-
25
我已经很长时间没见到帕斯卡莱
155-2731-8020